Note that Ngwatilo’s eyebrows/eye area are the hallmark of her face. The thing she could brand for its uniqueness…

whatever, I’m a special human being.

I had the brows tweezed today (threading still sounded grossly painful.)

It wasn’t so bad, i guess. but I’m suffering separation anxiety. They were one of a kind, resolute, headstrong; – they had an identity, they lived each day with purpose, and they could not be told no by any man or woman with itchy thumbs. It seems I lived vicariously through my eyebrows. Perhaps now with their passing I shall have no choice but to live the life they have…

I shall not stick up a header with the new ones or anything. just wanted to acknowledge a milestone, a loss, a renewal; as I’ve been doing lately.

I hope yall know that the design of the page has never been “complete” or “done for now” by any means.

But when I have techi issues with my Mac, or accompanying software, will I note them here? Even if they are music related? Where is Ngwatilo or any of her other selves going to be next year? Will this space track one or all those journeys? is it relevant whether or not ngwatilo has a child or not, is pregnant and not keeping it, or trying to get her father well? Or what she thinks about kaz’s album, and the place of poetry in it, who her friends are, whether she’s recently tested for HIV, or can’t stand the idea of sex altogether?! What if she’s a flaming queen, or loves to read comic books, or is actually a housewife? Is any of the stuff here true anyway? Is she seeing anyone? Who cares and why?
Does climate change have a place on ngwatilo.com, in the real Ngwatilo’s life, why and for how many words?

Why am I here? Why do you do what you do? Is it acceptable to fall into something, or someone, is it acceptable not to ask your self why you bother breathing, and if you don’t do it consciously, then what you do with your breathe? Does it matter, isn’t the oxygen there to be breathed? Is there a difference between truth and fact, and can either always be clearly ascertained or us there faith involved there as well. Why do you have what you have, and what will you do with it, if you know enough to recognize that the difference between you and s/he who has not has nothing to do with you or your anythingness.

I think I’m going to go away for a while. Ill be better when I come back. Promise.

That’s the first thing I want to say; and I know, I used to be one.

I also want to say that this week, I’m learning that it’s no use being carefree and free spirited when other people want to bind you with their burdens and problems. The more fortified your walls, dungeons and such, the better off you are. You can laugh to yourself at inside, and giggle at movies or in writings to be read at Carnagie Hall or some other grand venue; after you’ve fought your battles and collected your taxes, the fruits of your rights and responsibilities, and whatever spoils you can gather of the world’s inequities, greed and selfishness. They, the world, will have had a pound of your flesh, invariably, by the time you catch on, whether or not you are aware enough to be pissed off and vengeful about it, or are still skipping with daffodils and tulips in your hand, barefoot on freshly dewed and felled jacaranda flowers outside your castle walls.

Build a large castle instead, complete with its own enchanted forest or something.