Ngwatilo

Comments (0)

Daddy, No.1

every thing he says i recall
because he repeats himself
and tells tales as if the action is at par
with the Matrix or Genesis.

everything he says stays
especially my name in vexed tones,
he’s ready to leave,
but i’m still dressing, selecting earings,

So he roars my name into the walls,
no, he’s changed, now he drives radiowaves
into everything, dialing my cell to say
“Let’s go” in frustration.

i am not all bad. I listen,
and call out a response we’ve ritualized
to mean, “soon.” He doesn’t believe me,
and i am at once ashamed and amused.

Daddy misbehaves also, and i throw my fit
in turn, “Why didn’t you take your insulin?!”
i want to know, hurt and annoyed. Feeling
two things at once beats feeling one.

He shrugs, he thinks, “Surely what is one less
needle in my skin today?” “Life,” I say,
“I need you alive and well.” He shifts, changes
the subject, I’m glad we spoke at all.

Comments (5)

Love poem no.1

Leaving is not an option
because of you, because of me.
Your face belongs to me,
when you shave it wrong I wince
as you itch. Your belly I accept
as I do your cavities, and I promise to nag
about the virtues of seatbelts.

Leaving is not an option because I got your tire
fixed today, because you hug like a solution.
Because you get me fried chicken
when I’m sad, hungry or tipsy,
because you know how to talk to Kenyan Police
and ward off nasty old men. Because I make you
eat vegetables so you will live a long life with me.
Because you don’t get the logic but eat them anyway.

We will not leave each other although the girl
in Costa Rica wanted you, and you her, because
you came home to me unscathed, regardless.
We hold on because you told me everything and I
did not panic, although listening was hard
and she won’t be the last. I will stay because you prove
you are mine. I will take my antibiotics dutifully
for you when I am sick, because I accept that me ill
is worried knots in your belly, as you depressed
is calm focus in mine and all the wrong words on my lips.
I will believe in you because of that look in the dark
of your uncle’s car, long before a promise, a threat or a kiss;
because you love me more anyway, and I am safe.

(April 30 edit)

Comments (1)

Good.

Friday came and went without music,
the sky cracking, without thunder.
Even the long rains were missing;
they would have helped us invent
a memory of God dying, gratitude.

But there were no clouds, the sky
did not darken. Last year’s Friday
could not be recycled. How does one
remember a thing that happened
two thousand years ago, in another
culture, in another place, in a moment
when death was good?

Comments (0)

Writing Prompt: (Wise, Edible) Wart hog

He looked good enough to eat,
we could cook him slow on a spit
with an apple in his mouth
the horns on either side hanging pineapple
rings to offer playful sweetness.
But who would slaughter such innocence,
when chicken and goats exist here for food?
Who knows how many the warthog saves in prayer?
He kneels to eat as if thanking his maker for life and food,

worshiping. Has he learned from example or have his bones
told him. The rains are near, perhaps he offers thanks
for that also, while we complain at its delay,
and defile the land endlessly as only we know how. 

Comments (2)

Coming soon: Ngwatilo Audio and some new game…

So, I’m really about poetry and music, rather than political commentary. Though with the ridiculous politics we play in this country as politicians, businessmen and ordinary folk, without even thinking, defies any elegance poetry would offer, and further, requires first a surface level look, before we can get to the pearl poetry grows.

I neglected to tell you that I was in Dar-es-Salaam the other day at the Goethe Institute. They just started a monthly poetry event “Maneno Mengi” Check it out when you are in the area. They are making waves. I grabbed audio, which I’ll put up as soon as I figure out how. *sigh

In other news, I’m in another writerly slump. so I’ll be thinking up ways to make new writing pretty soon. And maybe I’ll make it public and y’all can join…. Soon.

Comments (1)

March 16, 2009: Confession of a Matatu ride

So yesterday, i was in a number 24 Nissan matatu at 5.45pm heading up past Nairobi West. At the roundabout that joins Langata road, my matatu lurches forward into the roundabout in the middle of traffic, as matatus are wont, and nearly rams into this woman driving a pickup. She is in the roundabout nearly all the way across, clearly headed into Nairobi West.

We catch our breaths and notice that just ahead, at the place where the road from Nairobi West meets the roundabout, there is a policewoman who has detained another matatu, and is hauling ours to a stop beside her catch. The man beside me has now found his tongue and is loudly telling the driver what a basic mistake of driving he has made, in neglecting to give the car in the roundabout her right of way. He speaks as he prepares himself and the rest of us to leave the matatu in protest and in readiness of the driver’s impending arrest and the matatu’s detainment.

The rest of the tale is an anticlimax. The driver comes out, goes to the front to chat with the policewoman, hidden from us by the bonnet of the vehicle. The “chat” takes less than 30 seconds- because it takes the man next to me longer to get off the matatu. The policewoman asks him why he wants to leave, he responds with disgust and the matatu is on its way. I am aghast at her lack of shame, because clearly something must have been exchanged. We proceed. I remain in my seat. Lord knows it took me lots of walking and a bit of luck to find the matatu when i did. If i leave it here, goodness knows when i’ll find another.

Our three bodies, the body of the passenger, the driver and the police officer are at fault, and because of the three of us, it shall take this country so much longer to behave. The man who left and was not afraid to say that some wrong had happened, and act on his knowledge; he shamed the rest of us, whether we registered it or not. The rest of us chatted incoherently amongst ourselves or sunk our heads into our books and prayed we would get home safely in spite of ourselves.

Comments (1)

“Democracy is Expensive”

That is the media and/or publics assessment of the recent University of Nairobi student demonstration. Yes, the thing did not go as well as they promised, yes there was looting and yes, a legal demonstration is not the sort of thing that should necessitate teargas but, listening to the feedback, you would think that no one has any right to stage a protest over anything, least of all the inexplicable seemingly politically motivated murder of the two men who worked for the Oscar Foundation. Extra-judicial killings or extra-Mungiki killings, the message echoed is that we shouldn’t have to be bothered to hear or experience a protest over an inexplicable thing. We should put it aside, forget it, go about our business as usual.

Business as usual did not prevent the violence that sprung up at the end of December 2007. Perhaps what University of Nairobi Student leadership require is some teaching on what non-violent demonstration entails, either from civil society or their own faculty. Such a course ought to teach how to prevent violent demonstrations carried in the name of “University Students”, because it is they that are ultimately responsible for that name.

It is stupidity to instead tell them not to demonstrate, in my opinion. They’ve already crossed that bridge many times over the years; it is their modus operandi. Actually, precisely because they are wont to protest every so often, we ought to have invested in steering their need for protest in more positive turns. This time around they said they wanted to do it peacefully, they received permission to do so. Did we help them achieve this? I would argue that giving them the opportunity and space to do so was only half the task.

My argument follows a simple premise, that by virtue of the fact that they are in University and in one of the more academically respected universities in the country at that, they are: 1) a people driven by reason – even the more intelligent among us; 2) they have already worked hard to be where they are and as such, they are committed to their education, to learning, to the social and economic development of themselves, their families and their communities, to the preservation and fulfillment of the desired “bright future” - in summary, university students are not hooligans.

If they are it is we who have allowed or made them so, by being poor examples, frustrating their ambitions or not being proactive enough about steering their energies. My most awesome years of university were those spent learning to care, learning the mind of wrong, and methods others had chosen to effect ‘rightness’ in various fields. I’ve woken up and smelled Nairobi after my graduation and have regrettably gotten caught up in making my little life work.

We, as folk out of university or who never attended, are rarely qualified to increase or pass judgement upon university kids capacity for good citizenship. We ourselves don’t know how; we have forgotten; we are not interested. We do our things, go to our places, murmur quietly about our mobile provider, our government, how hard it is to find an honest policeman as we sit sipping lattes and black forest cake, or tea and chapatti depending on the pocket: – these for us are subjects for social conversation, not social, political or entrepreneurial action. If our ‘youths’ are our future leaders, the least we can do is encourage them to engage with our socio-political and economic issues, and not stick their heads in their law, medicine, media, technology or commerce books. Sure they will come out as qualified lawyers, journalists, doctors, IT gurus, businessmen, politicians etc, but who shall lead them? If they have no guiding moral or ethical principles – no leadership capacity (I could say the same for people who remain ‘churchgoers’) – what good are they to us? This country shall ever be a hollow shell, a country of worker bees. Apathy at the end, is too costly.

Comments (1)

Trudge-skip-jump

There’s a lot happening, as you may have heard elsewhere, but there’s little to write about here in any kind of public-private manner. Most of is just details, and it is impossible to write well about details when there is no ruling theory or idea or vision. Before anything has happened. It is fluff; messy fluff at that.

So we keep silent. we raise a hand to to shade our eyes from the bright light around, we trudge along, ever stately, ever deliberate, whether the destination ahead is known or not.

Comments (0)

A Snapshot of Kenya in January 2009, before Obama’s inauguration

In these days leading up to Barack Obama’s inauguration, Kenyans have left the euphoria of November to reflect on the possibilities the Obama moment has brought for change in their particular lives. Concerned Kenyan Writers, an online collective of writers and scholars who came together during the 2007 post-election violence, have engaged in lively debates in the last week over the entertainment scheduled for the inauguration dinner at the Kenyan Embassy in Washington, DC. A particular poet and a particular boys’ choir are the subject: are they the kind of representation we would like for Americans and the world to see? The one, Caroline Nderitu, is well known in Kenya as an artist who often graces corporate functions to offer soft words appropriate for the day – usually at a fee. She could teach many poets a thing or two about earning bread in exchange for verse. The other group is a fine boys’ choir rumored to be preparing a particular song this Kenyan intelligentsia insists is an insult to self-respecting Kenyans: a colonized Kiswahili version of minstrelsy, welcoming tourists to an idyllic Kenya of “Hakuna Matata” fame.

Caroline is as rosy as Maya Angelou and is expected to put together a piece not unlike Ms Angelou’s 1993 offering to President Bill Clinton – which was inclusive, but not quite as brave as the anticipated offerings of president elect Barack Obama’s chosen inaugural poet, Elizabeth Alexander. It’s anyone’s guess what she will present, but this body of Kenyan writers is at this moment concerned with how Kenya shall represent itself at this very public moment in history. Are we merely a welcoming tourist destination of golden sands, giraffe and elephant – all beauty and no brain or perceptible soul?

In Kogelo, where president elect Barack Obama’s paternal family is from, government and private interests are already working to brand the village as a tourist destination. “The Obama Route” is a likely hit. Kogelo is set to make the fanfare a jumpstart to its economic development. Yesterday at my local 24hr supermarket I noticed calendars depicting the soon to be First Family on sale, and we’re told someone has come up with a design that puts Obama on the one enduring traditionally Kenyan cloth; the khanga with the typical design of an image and proverb or saying. The Concerned Kenyan Writers are therefore engaging in similar ways with this Obama moment, as they express concern for the artistic and literary representations of Kenyaness that will be witnessed at the Kenyan Embassy in Washington, DC on January 20th.

The Obama moment belongs to all who crave it for themselves; it suggests what may be possible in our own places. Obama’s story is actually not merely an American possibility, but one the gift of life affords regardless of where it may be spent. This is why we care. We are believing, to directly translate Kiswahili construction, that “even us we can” be remarkable, be anything we dream.

We wait with baited breath to see how he shall redefine Presidency, how representations of Americans including African Americans will change, if people will redefine themselves. We want to know even, if he’ll be anything like the presidents on 24 or The West Wing. It is not “Hakuna Matata” in Kenya; the madness and euphoria of our two country’s recent elections have given us pause. America is a kind of guinea pig for us: we want to know whether there is such a thing as a good man in politics, whether he can inspire people to be better more enduringly than a new year’s resolution.

Comments (2)

Kibaki signs the “Media” bill, Media continues to play war.

I’ve just tried to watch the 9pm news tonight and mostly failed, the first twenty minutes went to the media bill, choreographed a little with an interview type session within the news talking about how draconian and evil the Kenya Communications (Amendment) Bill 2008 is. The guy being interviewed (will try to check who the dude was on the 11pm news) has been pitched as someone close to Kibaki/Government. He begins by saying that the lengthy statement issued by Government Spokesman Alfred Mutua in today’s dailies was a waste of public funds.

Of course, I agree completely because there is clearly only one side to this story and the Media has told it all exhaustively from all angles not least during tonight’s 20 minute example of thorough, investigative, objective and “comprehensive” journalism (that last adjective provided by NTV’s Janet Kanini), not to mention the many prime time minutes taken up over the last 14 business days (and holidays) to “discuss” the issue. 

So tonight, after the 20 minute expose, Janet goes, “In other news” ODM leaders shall have an emergency meeting to discuss the growing divide between Kibaki and Raila Odinga. It sounds like Odinga doesn’t have access to the president. NTV says that they’ve learned that Raila was not actually consulted by the President over the “Media” bill and “other issues” …and now there is some concern that the marriage is (again!) not sitting on rose petals after all. A clip from Orengo at a rally or somewhere is provided, he’s saying that the two should not be kept apart. Literally that no one should sit between them. I’ll have to return with the name of the character…I can’t remember now.

This sounds like, “someone” is trying to suggest or cause a rift between Raila and Kibaki, which already crippled this country once, for months, exactly one year ago. 

Whether or not Kibaki and Raila are getting along at the moment is not critical, but the idea that they are not, tena when galvanized by the idea of a gagged media (especially when you think about the sequential positioning of the particular stories) can only serve to isolate Kibaki and if really developed, can be the pretext for some demonstration somewhere, at best. I don’t know how any law can make the media think beyond it’s own self-interest, truly. If Mainstream Media wants to be subversive (which is someone else’s role), or manipulative, it would take a lot of effort from government to stop, in fact more than is in the interest of government, at least at this moment in our history, and as we continue towards positive movement. 

Government is far from flawless, but the Media at this point is thought to be flawless, or is behaving as if it has no blood on its hands, which is far more dangerous, as it may draw more at any point, and we shall not be watching to expect it.

9.36pm; Janet’s just been reading the International news on the Gaza situation, she goes: “News just in: Hislop[?], White house Comptroller has been sent on an “indefinite leave…” “a close friend to Kibaki” has taken over his duties etc… I’m feeling like this is only important information if you are trying to either construct or expose a conspiracy.